July 20, 2010

Life take away, life bless you. Life make you sad, life bring you joy and happiness. Today being around my period, I couldn’t stand anymore to wonder if. I knew it would be either a waste of $16.00, again, or it would be the one. I was more aiming toward wasting money, but at least I would know. I went to Shoppers drug mart in the Eaton center, bought a test, and went back to my floor and did the test. I was shocked to see that it showed pregnant, 1-2 weeks. It explained why I was so tired in the morning, and has that little spasm under my rib cage for about 2 weeks now, why I am clumsier and walk into walls, the pressure in my lower back, and the discomfort in my stomach. I stayed sitting on the toilette not being able to move, and had tear in my eyes. I felt so emotional that after I had no energy left. A normal wife would have called her husband right away, but I feel that I can’t tell him right now. He is studying to be a fire fighter and in August 12 he will go to Texas to complete his course for 2 weeks. Since he is such a caring husband, and because I already had a miscarriage in April, I know he would be worry and would not concentrate on his study. I am then, entering, as of today, a long 22 days without telling him. I don’t know if I will be able to do so, but I thought it would be so cool to send a letter to his dad, who leaves in Los Angeles, and the day of his graduation his dad would announced him the great news. I could be selfish, and share that moment with my husband, but I know how this would make him feel so happy to be with his dad when announcing it.

This weekend I am getting braces, which mean I will not be able to take any pain medication, I am not looking forward that but I know it will be safer for baby. I certainly whish now, I had done my hair color last week, as I thought I should. Now, I am stuck with 3 months with grey hair and roots. I have a better feeling already with this little baby. First one, I never had a secure feeling and little baby that I later lost, made me so sick, I am hoping with this one it will be better. It is weird to know that you have a life growing inside of you. As I did with my open myomectomy, I am going to be true as to how I feel, good and bad.