August 5, 2010

I have my ultrasound today, I got here at 12:05 and I am still awaiting here, it is now 1:10 and there are more people ahead of me. WTF. This morning Randy offered to have lunch with me, of course in all day! I told him I can't I have a meeting, so he said until what time, so I said until 12:30 so he said well, I will just come at 1:00 so I said I can't I then have another meeting. I then offered tomorrow. Later stupid me I called him at 11:30 and realized what I was doing so I said my meeting finished earlier and I said thanks god I am starving! So he said why don't I bring you a soup! For the love of god lol. What is new with the symptom? Sex is starting to feel different, first I feel more sensitive, almost too sensitive, and I don't really feel like it. Same thing as the first time. Getting up for washroom is now every 2 hours. My breast is getting darker, which I don't really like, but there is nothing I can do. Randy is leaving in 7 days; I was able to keep it in. We are invited to Randy and Claire on Saturday, I am really hoping they won't serve wine because then Randy will really doubt something.

(…… ) I am now back at my desk at work, I waited 2 hours before they took me in, that is really ridiculous. Luckily the tech girl was amazingly nice, the doctor came in, and said that there was a little bleed and that I need to go back in 2 weeks, if from today to Aug 19, if I start bleeding, I need to call my doctor and call the CML centre so they would do an ultrasound right away. So here it is again, I might have a second miscarriage, I can’t do this again, and it is so difficult. Randy called me once I was back at my desk, and he said that he talked to his friend Cath, and that she didn’t know about the miscarriage in April and said she was sorry, I had to control my voice, but my tear was coming down and thankfully he didn’t stay too long on the phone. I have cancelled the trainer tonight; I am not going to exercise like crazy in case that could interfere with the baby. Life suck, why can I not have it easy sometime, just sometime. I am so tired. It is really difficult not to share this with Randy now, I don’t know what to do for when Randy is in Texas, and I was going to announce it with his dad there. I don’t know, I will have to think about this one. I am so tired, I didn’t eat lunch today because of the appointment and I just can’t do a soup, I am trying to drink the shake though…