OMG do I ever feel like shit! I couldn’t sleep until 2:30 again, and I am not well at all today, I have a dinner with Celia, which I already cancelled so I have to go. If I don’t start sleeping you will see me dropping somewhere and pretty soon. I am so tired and sick. I think I need to slow down on the milk products; I am itchy today, where my nose, and legs, that is usually the cream allergy. Weird. It is now 2:24 and I just want to drop on the floor. Randy just wrote me, that he passed his final exams with 92% and he passed all his hand on state skills exam, so now all he has to do in the morning, is his state skills written exam. I knew he would pass, I am so proud of him. I can’t wait for him to get back though, the load is getting heavier on my shoulder and I am exhausted, baby is not happy, he want to see daddy.
(…) I went to the washroom and there is blood, pinkish. I can’t go through this again, I just can’t. It will kill me of sadness. I am trying to stay calm but it is difficult, especially that I feel a bit of burning in my vagina, I think last time it did that too. I just cancelled Celia; I am going to go home. I called Dr. Kives, and was transferred to Maureen, I have left a message. I really can do this again. I am trying not to freak out, I can’t have Randy call me tonight I won’t be able to make it. In all day too, I am so exhausted. Fucking shit.
(…) I ended going out anyway with Celia; I thought that even if I stay home it won’t change anything. I got home at 8:00 way much later then I thought. Randy called. I knew I would be crying, I went to the bedroom and tried to act and sound as cheerful as I could. But tears were coming down and by the end I was crying. When I hung up, I stayed on the bed and cried non-stop for 10 minutes. I then watched some TV with Marie and then went to bed totally extenuated.
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