August 27, 2010, Friday

This morning I got up a tad bit more rested. I slept a bit better and I need that for a couple of days as I am so tired. That is all I keep writing here. Tired and need poo-poo friend to get the hell out of me. I had 12 inches subs today and I almost eat it all!!! Little piggy. So went to St Mikes this morning, went to get my requisition then went to the Ultrasound place. Baby seems fine after all, it is now 2.17cm, and I am precisely 8 weeks 6 days. The heart beat is at 188 which is normal. I did not hear the heartbeat, but I saw it. She showed it to me, a little spot got blurred then normal then blurred etc. It was pretty cool, I wish Randy would have been there. She also said that the baby moved as we were there. I went back to Dr. Kives and Maureen the nurse, read the ultrasound result, and told me that everything was fine. I think though she said I have a cyst on m ovaries, I won’t think about it right now. She asked me did you have sex maybe. And I said no chance my husband is in Texas for the past 2 weeks. I told her about the burning of my vagina, and she sent me to have a urine test in case I have bladder/yeast infection. That would make sense. I finally got to work at 10:00 and I had a message on my phone, and I thought who care. So I checked it only around 11:00 to find out that it was Randy. I really needed that and it helps me. He also called me a bit after lunch; he is now done with everything which is really great! He told me that the have hidden 7-8 clocks in the ceiling with different times on it. LOL so mean! The new crew is arriving tonight. I have to do the groceries and I am so tired. Anyway, Randy is getting home Sunday, so this is my last update as he will now read this and know more about how the past 2 months has been for me.

August 26, 2010, Thursday

OMG do I ever feel like shit! I couldn’t sleep until 2:30 again, and I am not well at all today, I have a dinner with Celia, which I already cancelled so I have to go. If I don’t start sleeping you will see me dropping somewhere and pretty soon. I am so tired and sick. I think I need to slow down on the milk products; I am itchy today, where my nose, and legs, that is usually the cream allergy. Weird. It is now 2:24 and I just want to drop on the floor. Randy just wrote me, that he passed his final exams with 92% and he passed all his hand on state skills exam, so now all he has to do in the morning, is his state skills written exam. I knew he would pass, I am so proud of him. I can’t wait for him to get back though, the load is getting heavier on my shoulder and I am exhausted, baby is not happy, he want to see daddy.

(…) I went to the washroom and there is blood, pinkish. I can’t go through this again, I just can’t. It will kill me of sadness. I am trying to stay calm but it is difficult, especially that I feel a bit of burning in my vagina, I think last time it did that too. I just cancelled Celia; I am going to go home. I called Dr. Kives, and was transferred to Maureen, I have left a message. I really can do this again. I am trying not to freak out, I can’t have Randy call me tonight I won’t be able to make it. In all day too, I am so exhausted. Fucking shit.

(…) I ended going out anyway with Celia; I thought that even if I stay home it won’t change anything. I got home at 8:00 way much later then I thought. Randy called. I knew I would be crying, I went to the bedroom and tried to act and sound as cheerful as I could. But tears were coming down and by the end I was crying. When I hung up, I stayed on the bed and cried non-stop for 10 minutes. I then watched some TV with Marie and then went to bed totally extenuated.

August 25, 2010, Wednesday

We are now Wednesday, such a long and dragging week! I just wrote Papa George to wish him a nice week. It is kind of sad that he probably didn't receive the card for Randy. I have such a hard time not to cry this morning, so tired. Last night I felt so desesprate, my sister was going for a run and I felt so alone, I started crying, so she said let's go together for the walk. I ended up walking but also running from home to Lawrence then I crossed to Avenue road to home. It felt so good! It was the first time running in so long. I am going to try to go for a walk again tonight. I am so exhausted I can't stand myself anymore. This is Randy last tough day today. I miss him terribly. I really need him to get home now and take care of me. Those last 9 weeks were awful.

August 23, 2010

Randy just called me he sounds down for 2 days in a row now. I can tell that he is so tired as I already told him I got a dress for Pete's wedding and he was surprise, and I said I told you, and he said no you said you just said you saw one. He asked me about the gift, and he said it is at home, and I said yes, and he said where did you buy it, and I said when will you learn that I will not tell you, then I said I bought it in the sex chop! LoL it is not a lie after all. This weekend was awful I literally stayed on the couch the whole weekend, although I did go to the gym today, did 20 minutes which felt like an hour, then I did some back work, and biceps. Nauseousness is not too bad lately. I think I am starting to feel hungry again. I am trying to get back to exercise again, which will be difficult but maybe it will help me.

August 21, 2010, Saturday

Yesterday was a tough day. Last night in particular, I kept crying and crying. Randy called and he kind of said impatiently you sound uptight, it really annoyed me. At the end of the conversation I was so trying not to cry. Then after I just kept crying and couldn't stop.when I got home I had to sleep a little bit for about an hour, then I cooked a quiche which turned out to be so gross! Then I cooked some chicken in tomato sauce and I lied down on the coach as I was so exhausted, and left it too long so it burned. I had nothing else to eat here, so we went and I bought fish and chips at the honey bistro and it was so disgusting. So I ended up not really eating anything. This second pregnancy, as of now I am not as nauseous but I am much more tired the little normal thing that I need to do constantly seem to be too much!! I have to do my grocery and I don't know how I am going to do it. Randy texted me tonight, he said his day was very tough but he was ok, I find a bit difficult that when we talked he doesn't really asked how I am doing, or maybe I just forget that he asks.

August 19, 2010, Thursday

I was driving to the subway this morning by myself, too early for my sister, who is staying home currently, and saw the sun, like a huge orange ball in my mirror. It was absolutely gorgeous, all I kept thinking was how meaningless is life when you don't have anyone to share it. I am starting to feel that Randy is not home and frankly I am so tired. He called me last night and the funny part is I waited the whole day for his call but then when he did my sister put the dinner in front of me and I just needed to eat, I was so nauseous. I did not sleep well, as usual, and I am more then exhausted now. I am on my way, at 6:30am in the morning to the Ultrasound. I frankly don't know how I could handle a bad news this morning; I really hope that there is no bleed anymore and that the baby is ok. I had an awful 2 weeks wondering if the bleeding would increase and if I would have a miscarriage, again. I keep thinking that this year has been half of the year being in a first trimester, twice, being sick, nauseous, extremely tired, brain frog, stomach discomfort, difficulty to have poo-poo friend, swing mood, insomnia, dizzy, extremely emotional and I could go on an on. I don't think I could go through that again. Last year was half and more of the year recuperating from my open myomectomie, so if you asked me this morning, how am I doing, I would probably laugh in your face. Let's see what the ultrasound will show, oh yeah and talking about ultrasound, for the past 2 years, I had about 15-20 of those and not the belly ultrasound, but the stick in your vagina ultrasound, you may think that it is fun, but this one doesn't vibrate and is not fun (sorry for the pure hear reading me).

(…)

I am now back at work and had my ultrasound. First the nurse said that the doctor needed to be there. And I just could picture the same thing happen than last time. Waiting for about 2-3 hours again. Anyway, she decided to go through the viewing part and if there was an issue, then I would have to wait for the doctor. So, I went to the washroom to get my bladder emptied because of course I didn’t need to drink, but nobody told me that! And I put the paper gown on the side of the sink, and didn’t know that it was an automatic sink so the gown got all wet. Great start. She did the ultrasound and saw that there was no more bleed. Heart beat is 167, which she said it is normal. So I didn’t need to see the doctor. I left the building and had to sit, as I just kept crying and couldn’t stop. I now feel exhausted and am sitting at my desk wondering how am I going to do today. Which really is the same thing then the past 6 weeks LOL. I cannot wait for Randy to be back home so I can tell him. I asked for a picture and the baby is bigger then the picture of the first baby at 11 weeks. I am going to start exercising again, not crazy but weight lifting slowly back to my routine. The hard part is to try to find the energy for it. I am eating more with my braces so that part is a bit easier.

August 15, 2010, Sunday

I am officially in full mode of nautiousness and not knowing what to eat. Today I cried, being alone at home it is so boring and long. Why would people want to live alone, really? My stomach is very sensitive for the past 2 days and I trying not to worry but it is rather difficult. Feeling so sick, I don’t want to lose that baby again. The tiredness, the emotion, the nautiousness, the little amount of sleep make being pregnant amazingly difficult, I have passed half of this year being pregnant. I just bought some ginger candies right now, hopefully that will help. This morning I went to McDonald and bought the burritos breakfast, not so healthy but it was really the only thing I wanted to eat, then the rest of the day, I just munch on stuff. Yogurt, ½ banana, I just bought a 5.99 vegetable lasagna; it is now in the microwave. I don’t understand what is the hatred of the veggies and fruit and meat when you are pregnant, it is rather annoying. Having my braces it is not helping either. It is now 3:31 and I am so bored. I guess I will watch another movie and I am not sure what else. I don’t sleep so well without Randy and I am always nervous. There is 13 more days to go. Peter called and asks if Randy left or when he is leaving, I think he knew but Randy asked him to check on me. I thought that was really nice. Mom also called and I almost told her that I was pregnant, and decided that I didn’t want to. I am hoping I will be able to talk to Randy tonight. I really miss him.

August 14, 2010, Saturday

Today I felt exhausted so much. I got up at 9:00 had breakfast, 2 home made waffle and peanut butter and apple sauce on it. Then I baked 4 banana bread for my bake sale that I am organizing at work for Run for the cure. Then at 12:00 I made a poach egg, first time ever, I actually really like it! I had a dentist appointment so I slowly made my way to it. Got my braces tighten and went to buy Indian food, which then was my dinner and super lol. I am missing Randy of course but being so tired it is actually better that way. Today my side was uncomfortable but I don’t think I should worry, I think it is that I need to go to the washroom, yes, as pregnant going to the washroom become so difficult! It is now 7:22 and I am seriously contemplating going to bed in the next 30 minutes. LOL how sad is that! I don’t think Randy will call tonight but I do miss him.

August 13, 2010 Friday

I did not sleep well at all last night. First, I couldn’t fall asleep, and once I did, I got up every hour to go to the washroom. And the sad part when you are pregnant is it is not like you can just hold it and fall back a sleep, nope it is hurting and pushing and pressing. And of course my husband not being there, I kept hearing every noise possible. I got up extremely tired and nauseous. I didn’t think I would make it without vomiting. I ate a bit of oatmeal and 1 tbs peanut butter, and 1 tbs apple sauce. In the subway, I was so dizzy. Then I made a shake at work and drank a bit, I am feeling a bit better right now. It is 11:00. Randy left me message this morning, and I was so sad to have missed him. But he called back and we talked a bit. It was really nice to hear his voice. I can’t wait to tell him that I am pregnant. I have called Dr. Kives for my 12 weeks appointment waiting on her call back. I can’t wait to be tonight and I can go to bed early I am so tired. All the freaking time, it is difficult to be efficient at work that is for sure!

August 12, 2010

I can't believe I succeeded! My husband left for Texas this morning, I can't believe I was able not to tell him I was pregnant!! Yesterday coming home I almost slip, I said that I couldn't eat something and I was about to say you know when you are pregnant but I switch just in time to, when you have braces. I would have been so mad. Today was the worst day, I got up and felt like a truck passed on me, I felt so sick, I didn't know how I could drive back home and did 3 driving mistakes! When walking back to parking after leaving Randy I was already feeling like bawling, a song started to blast at the terminal on my way back to the car signing in such sad tone: Goodbye my love, goodbye my friend. It was almost comical. I am now going through my first night sleeping alone and don't feel so safe.

August 11, 2010

So, I couldn’t eat a lot at lunch, I had lunch with a good friend and with my braces, I couldn’t eat a lot. Too bad I ordered a chili poutine and it was so delicious!! I also didn’t have a snack this afternoon, as I didn’t have anything and a bit earlier Randy called me and said he needed to get his mask for his Apnea machine. Of course he can’t go, and in normal time I am always happy to help as he does so much for me. So I told him I would go, but I feel so annoyed at it as I am so tired and out of it, and now I have to run there and then back to his work as we drove in today. Also I had reminded him so many times. GRRR! Of course he doesn’t know I am pregnant and am so exhausted. Ha all these little thing he will think of once he knows. He is leaving tomorrow, I can’t believe it is already there, the count down of 22 days seem so far. Tomorrow I am going to do my grocery, clean the whole house so the house will stay spotless for 2 week and I am going to go to bed so early. I will miss Randy so much as we are never away from each other, but that will allow me to rest and it is much needed. I have not bled and it has been a week since my last ultrasound so that is good. 1 more week to go and I will have my second ultrasound. I think the day that I will hear the baby heart I am just going to start crying as we never heard it with the first baby that we lost.

August 10, 2010

Today I went to my second blood test, I have to say, I have been very lucky, there was only 2 people ahead of me. So I hardly waited. My energy level is a bit better today, although now it is 3:15 and it is starting to go downhill. I did drink a coffee this morning. I am very hungry right now, as usual, I am drinking a freshly squeezed low fat yogurt and soy protein, usually they fill me in, but not this time. I have nothing else that I can eat. Randy bought me a muffin last night, a fruit explosion so I ate that this morning, it was really nice, with peanut butter and jam.

I have to say there is no issue doing braces when pregnant, but do remember that the first 3-4 weeks you won’t be able to eat very much unless puree. I have the bake sale next week and frankly I don’t know how am I going to do it, I am so tired! I am going to bake this weekend as not a lot of people offered to bring stuff, very disappointing I must say! Last night I made those surprise au fromage, it was so delicious.. (Meat balls with bread crumb, eggs, and a square of cheese in the middle) I am going to eat that again tonight. My stomach is bothering me today, not painful but not very comfortable. I have decided not to tell Randy when he is with his dad, since there is a risk that I may loose that baby too and I won’t know before the 19^th more about it, which means that by then it will be too late. Randy told me yesterday that he is doing another course on Wednesday for 12 weeks, I so wanted to cry. I just need him to take care of more stuff in the house, since I am doing more right now so he can finish his course and concentrate on it. It is only Wednesday but it should be better. I don’t know why but when you are pregnant your urine smell stronger, it is kind of disgusting actually. I don’t know how I will survive but tonight I am going with Randy at the retirement home to screen the movie. We have a wedding on Sept for Peter, I have to buy a dress and not sure what I should buy, I don’t think I will really show by then. Thanksgiving is October 11. By then I will be13 weeks so that should be the perfect occasion to tell Randy’s family. Of course we will tell his dad before he is so great. As for my sister I still was able not to tell her, but I have the feeling that if she sees me she will know, my cheek being redder, the only thing, is I have lost weight with the braces so that could play a trick, my cheek are burning today and it is rather annoying.

August 9, 2010

This morning in the subway I was extremely nauseous, and probably also because I just couldn’t eat my breakfast, I made 2 eggs but I just wanted to vomit. Randy kept looking at me and tried to offer solution so at the end; I said I just need to go to the washroom. The worst part is when I am nauseous I just can’t talk, I need to close my eyes and stay still, and him keeping talking to me wasn’t helping at all. 2 days and he is gone. This morning I was so tired, and he ask did you sleep well, and frankly when you get up every 2 hours to go to the washroom, no you don’t sleep well, and I was going to say that but then I realized that he would wonder why the washroom so often. I went to get the requisition at Dr Kives, and I was going to do the blood test but there were a lot of people so I decided that I would go tomorrow instead.

August 8, 2010

I am so tired today, and I am afraid that I am getting nauseous slowly but surely. Today, we were watching a movie, and my BB rang and it was unknown number. I know usually that is Dr. Kives, but I thought it is Sunday, so I answered. I couldn’t believe it, so I got up and went to the bedroom and closed the door. It was Dr. Kives on a Sunday, she is so amazing! She said that the ultrasound looks good, and I said but they said there was a small bleed and she said not to worry about it, she said that maybe it would be good to repeat the blood test, and I said that they were going to repeat the Ultrasound in 2 weeks, and she said that is good. She told me not to worry, I wanted to ask more questions, but I was afraid that Randy would hear. Once done I went back to the living room and he asked who it was, I smiled and said it is not your business. And he said, OMG it is for a dog, this morning I was looking for puppy on Kiijii. And he kept going on and on. Pretty funny. Then he asked again, so I said how am I supposed to organize a surprise if you keep asking question. He is leaving Thursday, 4 more days…

August 6, 2010

Last night I was not well, just wanted to cry from the news of the ultrasound. Randy keep trying to know what is wrong, as he knows me very well. I told him that I was just tired. I know he is worrying more for me. I really hope that I won’t have the miscarriage, if I have that again before he leaves, and yet, I don’t want to go through that by myself, it is so difficult. I am seeing Christine tonight and at least I will be able to relieve myself about it to her. I feel like a zombie, just walking through days and not really realizing what is around me. I just want to crawl in a ball and stay still for a while. I can’t wait for Randy to leave as I am so tired of trying to be energetic and cheerful. I know he is getting annoyed at me looking like I do right now. He will understand after his trip.

August 5, 2010

I have my ultrasound today, I got here at 12:05 and I am still awaiting here, it is now 1:10 and there are more people ahead of me. WTF. This morning Randy offered to have lunch with me, of course in all day! I told him I can't I have a meeting, so he said until what time, so I said until 12:30 so he said well, I will just come at 1:00 so I said I can't I then have another meeting. I then offered tomorrow. Later stupid me I called him at 11:30 and realized what I was doing so I said my meeting finished earlier and I said thanks god I am starving! So he said why don't I bring you a soup! For the love of god lol. What is new with the symptom? Sex is starting to feel different, first I feel more sensitive, almost too sensitive, and I don't really feel like it. Same thing as the first time. Getting up for washroom is now every 2 hours. My breast is getting darker, which I don't really like, but there is nothing I can do. Randy is leaving in 7 days; I was able to keep it in. We are invited to Randy and Claire on Saturday, I am really hoping they won't serve wine because then Randy will really doubt something.

(…… ) I am now back at my desk at work, I waited 2 hours before they took me in, that is really ridiculous. Luckily the tech girl was amazingly nice, the doctor came in, and said that there was a little bleed and that I need to go back in 2 weeks, if from today to Aug 19, if I start bleeding, I need to call my doctor and call the CML centre so they would do an ultrasound right away. So here it is again, I might have a second miscarriage, I can’t do this again, and it is so difficult. Randy called me once I was back at my desk, and he said that he talked to his friend Cath, and that she didn’t know about the miscarriage in April and said she was sorry, I had to control my voice, but my tear was coming down and thankfully he didn’t stay too long on the phone. I have cancelled the trainer tonight; I am not going to exercise like crazy in case that could interfere with the baby. Life suck, why can I not have it easy sometime, just sometime. I am so tired. It is really difficult not to share this with Randy now, I don’t know what to do for when Randy is in Texas, and I was going to announce it with his dad there. I don’t know, I will have to think about this one. I am so tired, I didn’t eat lunch today because of the appointment and I just can’t do a soup, I am trying to drink the shake though…

August 4, 2010

Finally the freaking nurse called me, and I said to her, I am so happy you are calling back, and she said why, are you bleeding, and I said no, but I am awaiting for the result of my blood test, anyway, she said well, I don’t call back unless it is urgent, I felt like saying well you shouldn’t say then that you are going to call back, what a moron, and on top I left 2 messages. Anyway, she told me what I knew already that I am about 4-5 weeks. We will see tomorrow with the Ultrasound. Yesterday, I have booked into Randy’s calendar a Part B birthday on September 24^th just to confuse him in case he have doubt that I am pregnant. So last night he said I know what it is, and I said really? So I took an envelope, and he wrote on a piece of paper what he thinks it is, and we sealed it. It is so funny. Last night I was out around 7:00, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It is so crazy. I asked the nurse if I should be worry about the fact that I have lost 4 pounds and that I have a hard time to eat, and she said that at this point it is ok, just try to eat more. I will be calling tomorrow for my appointment with Doctor Kives after the Ultrasound. I am craving and craving and craving poutine at KFC so badly!!! I think I might have it tonight, I think I will force myself to go to the gym, maybe it would help my energy level. Then I won’t feel so bad to eat it. LOL

August 2, 2010

This weekend has been the worst since I am pregnant, Friday we went to bed at 9:30, luckily Randy was also tired! Saturday we had Randy's family over I felt like crying the whole night and was so tired. We had a picnic in the afternoon the day after with Anthony and Flo and Peter and Anna and George and Lisa, it was nice, but I was so cranky and tired, I just laid on the chairs and couldn't move, on our way home I just wanted to sleep, today was actually the worse, we went for a car drive and I barely kept my eyes open, once we got home, I went to bed and just snoozed on and off the whole day, I am now lying on the coach and just can't do anything. I think from now on I will have a hard time to hide my tiredness to Randy, he is leaving in 10 days, I of course I am not happy for him leaving, but I can't wait in the same time, all want to do is sleep and sleep!! My cheeks are starting to be red and for the whole weekend I felt my face really hot. The nurse is better to call me tomorrow to let me know my result of my test; I had that blood test on the 22 of July! ! In my first pregnancy I had a craving of mortadella and bologna lol same thing happen yesterday, the funny part is I eat it once and then I don't want it anymore. My breast is also killing me so much!!!

July 31, 2010

Randy told me today that my emotion is all over the place, one minute I am happy the other minute I am in a bad mood, he said that I he was finding it very exhausting, I told him to give me a break, and to leave me alone. LOL Randy said I thought I was and said he said he would try harder. He looked all confused of my reaction. He is going to laugh at that once he knows.

July 30, 2010

Well, it has been now 8 days since my blood test, she called yesterday but I was with Randy so I didn’t answer, I thought that she would have leave a message but no. I am more edgy because of that. Last time I didn’t get result, I got a miscarriage. So excusez moi for being annoyed at it. Randy asked me are you waiting for a call or something. You keep looking at your phone. Randy yesterday went for his workout, which I did too, I work out lighter weight now, and it is kind of boring though, per my trainer, she also said that I need to remember to always breathe in and out. I didn’t workout this week because of the braces, not being able to eat, I have no energy and the last thing I want is to be hungrier because of weight lifting, anyway to come back to my thought he went to do his weight lifting, which he needs to keep up as he is leaving for Texas soon. Usually he doesn’t do cardio the same day, so he came back and told me that he was going to do his cardio now, and I made a face. So he said, sometime I feel you are not supporting me with my workout. Ladies and gentleman, THAT pissed me off, he doesn’t know how much I am supporting him by not telling him I am pregnant until he is done with his 2 weeks in Texas, so I looked at him and I point my finger at him, and I said with such a burst of angriness, you have no freaking idea how supportive I am and even more then you think. LOL these hormone just make me explode, it is rather annoying. 12 more days to go and he is gone, all I want to do when he is gone is get home at night and sleep lol. I am so going to do nothing and in the weekend, I am going to sleep in. I am so tired. My sister is in Cuba this week and next week and then she is back. It will be nice to see her again. This week, Patricia at work said that I was lucky not to be pregnant because I can’t eat very well with the braces. I looked at her and smile and said, could you imagine!!!

July 29, 2010

There is nothing worst for a pregnant woman, to get out of the bedroom and that disgusting smell of breakfast, aka white eggs omelet hit you. It has been now 2 days. This morning I had a hard time to eat. Randy said this morning 2 things that made me smile: he said that in February, March we should take a vacation. Oh yeah! Vacation will be the c-section honey! J Then he said, when I will come back from vacation, we are going to erase all debt until we learn that you are pregnant again then we will start the saving again. I have news for you Mister Murphy LOL. My breasts are now extra sensitive and it is rather annoying. I am a bit worry from my weight lost, with the braces and I am going back Saturday to have an adjustment but I will also have to talk about the fact that I can’t chew whatsoever. My very good friend offered me to come with me for the Ultrasound as Randy is going to be gone. I thought it was the sweetest things ever. I really adore her; she is such a good friend.

July 27, 2010

Working from home today, which is not really working well. I am so out of it. I couldn’t sleep until it was 1:00 last night; it is definitely the pregnancy hormone. Randy was also moving a lot, with all of his training he is sometime in pain. I did not get the call yet of the blood test, and getting annoyed now! I have lost 3 pounds since Saturday because of the braces. I am just eating puree. Since I am pregnant I try to eat everything, even if it is kind of gross being puree. Last night, I made a sauce with red pepper, yellow tomato, and red tomato and Romaine lettuce, then I pureed it. It wasn’t too bad actually. I should write a recipe book for braces. Thanks god I don’t have burger and fries craving. LOL I am really entering the phase that I am really tired. I think I am going to go buy some protein shake today; I am getting a bit tired of the same shake every morning.

July 26, 2010

According this link:

http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/pregnancycalendar/l/blpregcalc.htm

03/31/2011 that would be the due date of the baby. Isn’t it crazy and so perfect, I always felt that having a baby early spring would be better as the weather would get better and much easier to walk with baby outside. Of course, now that I am thinking about it, the baby would come probably 2 weeks earlier, as I have to have a C section. I am starting to pee so many times during the night, at least every 2 hours. Pretty annoying I must say! I am going to write to Papa George, to start putting something together for Randy as to how or when I will announce it to both of them. I am going to ask him if I can send him a writing letter and he could maybe write it to him. I have been more tired and I am trying to keep up with the gym so I don’t end up like last time, not exercising at all, and feeling like shit and ugly. I had to tell my trainer and made her promise not to tell Randy at all. She told me not to do the Monday boot camp unless it is not too hot. And use less weight. I talked to my brother today and he might go to QC in September around the 17^th it would be so perfect if we could go. I could then tell him in person. It is rather difficult going around without telling people. I am surprise that Randy is not noticing the bruise and my arm from the blood test, he usually see all of that. It is pretty dark still since last Wednesday, I still didn’t hear back from them. My god, how long will that take!!!

July 25, 2010

I now have my braces on, and to be frank I am a total bitch to my husband. I have hypoglycemia and I can’t eat unless it is puree, so I am very miserable. I don’t want to take Tylenol because of the baby, so I am so miserable. Randy not knowing that I am pregnant keep telling me to take some, so today I pretended to have one. I am also pretending that my period came, so my husband would not think that I am pregnant. I realize now with the braces and everything else, it is really difficult not to tell him.

July 23, 2010

I was kind of hoping that the blood test result would come back today to confirm exactly how many weeks I am. I am so hungry already. Tomorrow I am getting braces, and won’t be able to take any pain relief. I am going to buy a food processor tonight so that should make thing easier, hopefully. This morning I was extremely sensitive. On my way to work, I was watching Julie and Julia and I kept having tear coming up for no reason. In the morning my energy level is pretty good, then I end in the afternoon from 2:30 and I can’t think anymore, and I stare at my screen not knowing what am I suppose to do. Pretty annoying.

July 22, 2010

Last night we went to Costco, and once there, I closed the windows on Randy by accident, and he got impatient, so I went back and forth with him, which we rarely do. Then later, he kept talking about it, and he kept saying, why are you so sensitive, and why are you crying, I felt like screaming: because I am pregnant asshole. I stop myself thinking that my hormones are not normal and it wouldn’t be the best way for him to get to know the news.

lol this morning my ob called back, I went to pick up some paper and went for a blood test so we know exactly how many weeks I am. And she is also sending me for an Obstetrical Ultrasound. I am going to fax the paper at work this afternoon. It is actually really hard not to tell my husband, I will have to fake a period if not, he will know I am pregnant. I am very emotional, I saw a little girl with her mom this morning, and she kept smiling at me, with such a gorgeous smile, and I had tear in my eyes. I have to prepare myself at work, as if it is like last time, my brain will go gaga pretty soon. And I am eating super healthy since last time, by month 2, I could not stand veggies and fruit and all I wanted was burger and fries. I so could eat a McDonald burger right now! 21 days!!

July 21, 2010

I had a hard time to sleep last night, and was wondering if it is already starting, insomnia, not being comfortable. I went by the food court today and I couldn’t stand the smell of the food, I wonder why a pregnant woman have such a hard time with smell? I should Google it. Actually it is one of the reasons I took the test yesterday, I

Opened a container and the smell just made me feel so sick. I have still the discomfort in lower stomach and lower back, I remember from my first pregnancy how annoying it is. I have called this morning my OB and I am waiting for her call back, since I had a miscarriage earlier this year, she asked me to call her right away once I know I am pregnant. It is also because of my blood type, being A negative, first baby was rejected, I did get the RH needle but I am still a bit nervous. I have a better feeling for this time though and I am trying my very best to stay calm. Last night it was so difficult not to tell my husband. I can’t believe that there is 21 left days before he leaves for Texas, at least while he is in Texas it will be easier not to tell him.

July 20, 2010

Life take away, life bless you. Life make you sad, life bring you joy and happiness. Today being around my period, I couldn’t stand anymore to wonder if. I knew it would be either a waste of $16.00, again, or it would be the one. I was more aiming toward wasting money, but at least I would know. I went to Shoppers drug mart in the Eaton center, bought a test, and went back to my floor and did the test. I was shocked to see that it showed pregnant, 1-2 weeks. It explained why I was so tired in the morning, and has that little spasm under my rib cage for about 2 weeks now, why I am clumsier and walk into walls, the pressure in my lower back, and the discomfort in my stomach. I stayed sitting on the toilette not being able to move, and had tear in my eyes. I felt so emotional that after I had no energy left. A normal wife would have called her husband right away, but I feel that I can’t tell him right now. He is studying to be a fire fighter and in August 12 he will go to Texas to complete his course for 2 weeks. Since he is such a caring husband, and because I already had a miscarriage in April, I know he would be worry and would not concentrate on his study. I am then, entering, as of today, a long 22 days without telling him. I don’t know if I will be able to do so, but I thought it would be so cool to send a letter to his dad, who leaves in Los Angeles, and the day of his graduation his dad would announced him the great news. I could be selfish, and share that moment with my husband, but I know how this would make him feel so happy to be with his dad when announcing it.

This weekend I am getting braces, which mean I will not be able to take any pain medication, I am not looking forward that but I know it will be safer for baby. I certainly whish now, I had done my hair color last week, as I thought I should. Now, I am stuck with 3 months with grey hair and roots. I have a better feeling already with this little baby. First one, I never had a secure feeling and little baby that I later lost, made me so sick, I am hoping with this one it will be better. It is weird to know that you have a life growing inside of you. As I did with my open myomectomy, I am going to be true as to how I feel, good and bad.